“God is my strong fortress”- God kept me safe for years even tho my faith in God was nearly absent. I am so blessed today. I walked thru life angry, disgruntled, and feeling confused. Kind of like roaming the desert for 31 years in a constant state of confusion. I always asked why me? Why did God give me such a self-destructive disease? I was asking the wrong why or looking at it from the wrong perspective. God gave me this disease because God knew I could handle it. We all have the inner strength to pursue greatness, I had to find God and put The Lord first in all my affairs.
Fear was my driving force to not do something. I had fear of rejection, failure, scrutiny. I had so much fear because I didn’t have faith in myself. God gave me the faith I needed until I could love myself using radical acceptance, prayer, and meditation.
“The trouble with us alcoholics was this: We demanded that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular order we wanted to get it-by the alcohol route. And we weren’t successful. But when we take time to find out some of the spiritual laws, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind. . . . There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.”
— DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, p. 308
The simplicity of the A.A. program teaches me that happiness isn’t something I can “demand.” It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others. In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed, I find that my own sobriety has been recharged with indescribable gratitude and happiness.
Happiness comes from within you. Treat others with respect and work on your defects for happiness and wholeness.
As I sat down and opened up my folder of homework, it was a bit overwhelming. It felt like the first day of school again. I hated doing assignments in school, it gave me anxiety, and I would rush through projects to stamp them complete, and move onto the next. I was told in recovery it’s a marathon, not a sprint, but I love sprinting! So, before I started answering any questions on step one I told myself I have all the time in the world. No phone, no work, and limited TV. There was no excuse why I couldn’t take my time and do it thoroughly. The step one questions were primarily about my relationship with alcohol and how it affected my life. After doing the step one packet and rereading it I came to the conclusion that I was living to drink and drinking to die…….. There has to be a better way! Stay tuned for more.
I’ve always believed in treating others the way I’d like to be treated and helping others when I can. The only problem was when I was in active addiction I didn’t treat myself well at all and I was taking care of myself. Self-pity and self-sabotage engulfed me daily. I had to find faith in God until I could find the faith within me to overcome my short comings.
Fear fueled my addiction for over a decade. I feared everything and I didn’t have a healthy relationship with God. Now that I have God in my life it gives me the fortitude to keep moving forward despite any challenges put in front of me.
I am blessed and grateful to have God in my life. He had faith in me when I had zero faith in myself.