“God is my strong fortress”- God kept me safe for years even tho my faith in God was nearly absent. I am so blessed today. I walked thru life angry, disgruntled, and feeling confused. Kind of like roaming the desert for 31 years in a constant state of confusion. I always asked why me? Why did God give me such a self-destructive disease? I was asking the wrong why or looking at it from the wrong perspective. God gave me this disease because God knew I could handle it. We all have the inner strength to pursue greatness, I had to find God and put The Lord first in all my affairs.
Fear was my driving force to not do something. I had fear of rejection, failure, scrutiny. I had so much fear because I didn’t have faith in myself. God gave me the faith I needed until I could love myself using radical acceptance, prayer, and meditation.
He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being.— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 107
Many of us in A.A. puzzle over what is a spiritual awakening. I tended to look for a miracle, something dramatic and earth-shattering. But what usually happens is that a sense of well-being, a feeling of peace, transforms us into a new level of awareness. That’s what happened to me. My insanity and inner turmoil disappeared and I entered into a new dimension of hope, love and peace. I think the degree to which I continue to experience this new dimension is in direct proportion to the sincerity, depth and devotion with which I practice the Twelve Steps of A.A.
If you stay sober long enough and work the 12-steps you will stop looking at the world through a myopic lens and you will start looking in the mirror, at least I started too. Some may think I’m still in active addiction beause I have changed, thats erroneous. I just keep my head down and do the work every single day. Now I am reaping the ultimate benefits of my labor.
A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. We must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven’t been given the truth may die.— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 13
I desperately wanted to live, but if I was to succeed, I had to become active in our God-given program. I joined what became my group, where I opened the hall, made coffee, and cleaned up. I had been sober about three months when an oldtimer told me I was doing Twelfth-Step work. What a satisfying realization that was! I felt I was really accomplishing something. God had given me a second chance, A.A. had shown me the way, and these gifts were not only free—they were also priceless! Now the joy of seeing newcomers grow reminds me of where I have come from, where I am now, and the limitless possibilities that lie ahead. I need to attend meetings because they recharge my batteries so that I have light when it’s needed. I’m still a beginner in service work, but already I am receiving more than I’m giving. I can’t keep it unless I give it away. I am responsible when another reaches out for help. I want to be there—sober.