Since my divine intervention, which was 738 days ago, I pray read the Bible and meditated on the scriptures almost daily. It has helped me strengthen my morals and values. Without a strong foundation of self-reflection and God I would not be here today and for that I am forever blessed.
The word that jumps out at me is void. I had a huge void within me that I filled with alcohol, sugar, and other foods wrapped with self-pity. When I accepted I needed help God was there to pick me up. The Lord filled the void with love and good intentions. I am forever grateful for a second chance at life, but this time following God’s Will, not my own will.
Fear fueled my addiction for over a decade. I feared everything and I didn’t have a healthy relationship with God. Now that I have God in my life it gives me the fortitude to keep moving forward despite any challenges put in front of me.
I am blessed and grateful to have God in my life. He had faith in me when I had zero faith in myself.
Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A.A.’s remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p, 24
Hitting bottom opened my mind and I became willing to try something different. What I tried was A.A. My new life in the Fellowship was a little like learning how to ride a bike for the first time: A.A. became my training wheelsandmy supporting hand. It’s not that I wanted the help so much at the time; I simply did not want to hurt like that again. My desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful than my desire to drink. In the beginning that was what kept me sober. But after a while I found myself working the Steps to the best of my ability. I soon realized that my attitudes and actions were changing—if ever so slightly. One Day at a Time, I became comfortable with myself, and others, and my hurting started to heal. Thank God for the training wheels and supporting hand that I choose to call Alcoholics Anonymous.
He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being.— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 107
Many of us in A.A. puzzle over what is a spiritual awakening. I tended to look for a miracle, something dramatic and earth-shattering. But what usually happens is that a sense of well-being, a feeling of peace, transforms us into a new level of awareness. That’s what happened to me. My insanity and inner turmoil disappeared and I entered into a new dimension of hope, love and peace. I think the degree to which I continue to experience this new dimension is in direct proportion to the sincerity, depth and devotion with which I practice the Twelve Steps of A.A.
If you stay sober long enough and work the 12-steps you will stop looking at the world through a myopic lens and you will start looking in the mirror, at least I started too. Some may think I’m still in active addiction beause I have changed, thats erroneous. I just keep my head down and do the work every single day. Now I am reaping the ultimate benefits of my labor.